Why Do Women Always Put Themselves Last?

There is something I’ve noticed again and again in conversations with other women.

We are exhausted.

We are juggling work, children, partners, parents, households, appointments, responsibilities, deadlines and everyone else’s needs.

We know we should probably eat better.

We know we need to exercise.

We know we need more sleep.

We know we should make time for ourselves.

But somehow… we always come last.

And the frustrating thing?

Often, we don't even realise they're doing it.

We become very good at putting everyone else first

As women, many of us have become incredibly skilled at being the organiser, the carer, the planner, the problem solver and the person everyone turns to.

"Have you eaten?"

"Don't forget your appointment."

"Where are my keys?"

"What's for dinner?"

"Can you pick me up?"

"Can you sort this?"

And somewhere amongst all of that, we can quietly lose ourselves.

Sound familiar?

Our own appointment gets moved.

The exercise session gets cancelled.

Lunch becomes whatever is quickest.

We survive on coffee until mid-afternoon.

We stay up late because it's the only quiet time we have.

And when we're exhausted, we tell ourselves:

"I'll sort myself out next week."

Except next week becomes next month.

And eventually, our body starts telling us that something needs to change.

Then hormones enter the conversation…

For many women, the years around perimenopause and menopause can make everything feel even harder.

Sleep can change.

Energy can fluctuate.

Stress can feel more difficult to manage.

Our body composition can change.

We may notice changes in mood, appetite, digestion, strength, confidence and motivation.

And suddenly the strategies that worked for us in our 20s and 30s don't seem to work anymore.

This is often the point where women say:

"I don't recognise myself anymore."

But perhaps the answer isn't that you need to try harder.

Perhaps your body is asking you to work differently.

To understand what is happening.

To fuel yourself properly.

To prioritise strength and movement.

To protect your sleep.

To manage stress.

To stop constantly running on empty.

And, perhaps most importantly, to finally recognise that you matter too.

Looking after yourself isn't selfish

This is something I wish more women genuinely believed.

Taking time for yourself isn't selfish.

Eating a proper meal isn't selfish.

Going for a walk isn't selfish.

Going surfing isn't selfish.

Booking the appointment you've been putting off isn't selfish.

Getting support isn't selfish.

Saying no isn't selfish.

Resting isn't selfish.

In fact, constantly ignoring your own needs isn't necessarily helping anyone.

I can definitely relate to this as someone who has gone through burn out and also has felt that has lost self several times over the years.

Because when you're completely depleted, you're trying to give from an empty cup.

You deserve to have energy for your own life too.

Not just enough energy to get everyone else through theirs.

Your health doesn't have to be another thing on your to-do list

I also don't believe that looking after yourself needs to become another massive project.

You don't need to suddenly become the woman who gets up at 5am, meditates for 45 minutes, runs 10k, drinks green juice and meal preps 27 different containers every Sunday.

Small things count.

Start with breakfast that actually contains protein.

Drink some water.

Go outside.

Move your body.

Eat a colourful, nourishing meal.

Build some strength.

Take five minutes to breathe.

Go to bed a little earlier.

Put your phone down.

Ask yourself what you actually need.

And then — this is the important bit — listen to the answer.

Because consistency will always matter more than perfection.

What if you stopped waiting until everything else was sorted?

There will probably always be washing. There will always be emails. There will always be somebody who needs something. There will always be another job to do.

So if you're waiting for the perfect time to start looking after yourself…

you might be waiting forever.

Instead, perhaps this is the moment to ask:

What do I need?

Not what does my family need? Not what does my boss need? Not what does everyone else need?

BUT What do I need?

And then take one small action towards it.

Because looking after yourself isn't about becoming a different person.

It's about coming back to yourself.

This is exactly why I do what I do

Through LK Health & Wellbeing, I work with women to help them understand their health, nutrition, hormones, movement and wellbeing — particularly during the often confusing years of perimenopause, menopause and beyond.

But for me, it's about more than food or exercise.

It's about helping women understand that their health deserves a place on the priority list too.

Whether that's through nutrition support, menopause and women's health consultations, personal training, wellbeing coaching, workplace wellbeing or our surf therapy programmes, the aim is the same:

to give women the knowledge, tools and support to stop putting themselves last.

Because you don't need to wait until you're completely burnt out before deciding that you matter.

You can start now.

And maybe today doesn't need to be the day you change everything.

Maybe it's simply the day you decide:

"I'm going to stop leaving myself until last."

And that could be the beginning of something really powerful.

Eat Clean. Move Well. Look after yourself. And don't forget to dream.