When Your 14-Year-Old Doesn't Want to Go on Holiday: The Unexpected Hurdle Before Our Australia Adventure

Part of our Australia & New Zealand adventure with teens series

You'd think that telling a 14-year-old that you're taking him to Australia and New Zealand would be met with, well… excitement.

I certainly did.

Instead, I was met with resistance.

A lot of resistance.

For a couple of months, the response was essentially:

“I don't want to go.”

And honestly, I didn't quite get it.

What 14-year-old doesn't want to go on holiday?

Especially when that holiday involves Australia, New Zealand, beaches, wildlife, surfing, road trips and adventure.

But this wasn't simply a case of him being difficult or ungrateful. The more I talked to him, the more I realised there was probably a lot more going on in his head.

The pushback

When the idea of the trip first came up, he wasn't convinced.

There were questions.

Then more questions.

And then the sort of questions that made me realise he was probably thinking about things that hadn't even crossed my mind.

Was it the flights?

Was it the timings?

Was it the length of the journey?

Was it being away from home?

Was it the uncertainty?

Was it the thought of a busy itinerary?

Or was it simply that he'd got used to the idea of spending his summer holidays in a completely different way?

I kept asking.

I wanted to understand what the actual problem was rather than just assuming he was being awkward.

Because, as any parent of a teenager will know, sometimes you get a very definite “NO” without necessarily getting the explanation that comes with it.

Then came the top three…

After weeks of talking about possibilities, looking at ideas and trying to work out what sort of holiday the boys actually wanted, I asked them to come up with their own ideas.

Eventually, he gave me his top three.

And suddenly, things started to make a little more sense.

There were things he did want to do.

Things he was interested in.

Places and experiences that actually appealed to him.

Which was a relief.

Because it meant there was something to work with.

And, as I mentioned in the previous post, when Australia appeared in his top three, that was a pretty easy decision for me.

But even after he'd given me those choices, the resistance didn't disappear overnight.

He was still unsure about the whole idea.

Was he overthinking it?

I started wondering whether the problem was actually the holiday itself.

Perhaps he was overthinking the journey.

The flights.

The timings.

The unknown.

The sheer scale of travelling to the other side of the world.

Adults can do exactly the same thing, after all.

We can get an idea into our heads and then start working through every possible thing that could go wrong.

And perhaps that's what was happening.

So I kept talking to him.

Not constantly — because that would probably have made things worse — but enough to try to understand what he was actually worried about.

I explained the plans as they became clearer.

I talked about what we'd be doing.

I showed him some of the places we might visit.

And, importantly, I tried not to turn every conversation into “But you'll have an amazing time!”

Because sometimes telling someone repeatedly that they'll love something doesn't actually make them feel any more comfortable about it.

So I had a chat with his dad…

Eventually, I spoke to his dad about it.

We both came to roughly the same conclusion.

Perhaps the best thing was to stop over-discussing it.

We'd made the decision.

We knew the trip was happening.

So rather than constantly giving him more information for him to analyse, question and potentially worry about, we'd organise everything and then tell him things as they came up.

Flights booked?

Tell him.

Accommodation sorted?

Tell him.

Something exciting planned?

Tell him.

Rather than handing him the entire itinerary months in advance and giving him endless opportunities to overthink every detail.

It wasn't about ignoring how he felt.

It was more about recognising that sometimes too much information isn't reassuring — it can actually create more anxiety and uncertainty.

And yes… it was stressful.

I'm not going to pretend it wasn't.

There were moments when I wondered whether I’d made the right decision.

There was the possibility of arguments.

Potential meltdowns.

The inevitable teenage mood.

And the worry that I’d spent a significant amount of money on a trip that one of my children was adamant he didn't want to go on.

That's not particularly relaxing when you're trying to organise a major family adventure.

There were definitely moments where I thought:

“What on earth am I doing?”

But gradually, something changed.

Over the couple of weeks leading up to the trip, he seemed to mellow.

The resistance wasn't quite as intense.

There were more conversations about what we might do.

More curiosity.

And eventually, it started to feel less like something being imposed on him and more like something that was actually happening.

Sometimes you just have to let things unfold

I think there's a lesson in this for me as a parent.

I'd initially been looking at the situation through my own eyes.

Australia! New Zealand! Adventure! How exciting!

I couldn't understand why he wasn't feeling the same way.

But he's 14.

His priorities, worries and expectations are completely different from mine.

What feels like an incredible opportunity to me might feel overwhelming to him.

And perhaps that's okay.

Sometimes we don't need to solve every worry immediately.

Sometimes we need to listen, give someone some space, make the best decision we can and allow them time to process it.

And maybe, just maybe, the reality of the experience will be very different from the version they've imagined in their head.

So the flights were booked.

The plans continued.

The countdown got closer.

And somewhere along the way, that very reluctant 14-year-old started to seem a little more ready for the adventure.

Would he admit it?

Absolutely not.

Not yet anyway.

But I had a feeling that once we actually got there, things might change.

And that is exactly what I was hoping for.

Because this wasn't about forcing him to have the “perfect holiday”.

It was about giving him the opportunity to experience something completely different.

To get out of his comfort zone.

To see another part of the world.

And hopefully, to create some memories that we'll all be talking about for years to come.

Next stop: Australia.

And let's just say… getting there was only the beginning.